DARGANMORRIS
L I F E C O A C H I N G L L C
From the second grade to about the fourth or fifth grade, my life was forever changed by a trusted family member.....
How it all started...
From the second grade to about the fourth or fifth grade, my life was forever changed by a trusted family member who sexually molested me for those years. This trauma and abuse began to shape my life and who I would become. In my teen years, I was timid and never wanted to attract attention. As I entered the dating years, I began to see a glimpse of what would turn out to be problematic in my relationship with men. I viewed men as bullies, controlling, and untrusting. I would not allow myself to have feelings and so I did not date often.
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Fear became a major part of my identity and how I made decisions in my life. Fear paralyzed me and prevented me from exploring or trying new things.
I never went on overnight class trips in my youth. In my adult years I discovered that even going to a spa for massages was triggering. I was uncomfortable with another person touching me, other than my husband, even though it was a female massage therapist. Fear ruled decisions in my life as a woman, a wife, a parent, and as a friend.
Fear paralyzed me.... I never went on overnight class trips in my youth...
A distorted perspective...
I developed a controlling personality. The way I viewed men
filtered into my marriage.
I became aware that I had a problem receiving direction from my husband or even accepting constructive criticism. This trait caused a lot of stress between us, and I couldn’t understand why I would respond to my husband with so much anger. During those times, I felt helpless and hurt because I was hurting my husband. He was loving and respectful even when I wasn’t. My heart was heavy with different emotions: sadness, pain, and disdain for myself for treating my husband this way. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. My fear kept me from celebrating something special and happy. It kept me from fully enjoying my marriage. Through the Lord's guidance, I navigated my emotions and pain, marking the beginning of my journey and transformation into the person I am today.
Dealing with the trauma...
I had to deal with the trauma I experienced all those years ago. I had locked it away and never thought about it again until that moment because
I did not want to deal with it.
If I did not address the trauma, the healing process could not begin. I had to choose what I desired more—to remain stagnant or to be obedient and do the heart wrenching work of healing. I chose the latter and the journey was painful and difficult. However, I was never alone. I felt the loving arms of Jesus wrapped around me cradling me and wiping away every tear. I decided to share my story with my husband. Until then, I had never shared that part of my past with him, and my story helped him understand why I responded in certain ways to certain issues and situations. Some of the emotions that I would express during certain situations were fear, anxiety, and anger. He was so loving, caring, and compassionate. And so, the healing process began and continues. Thank God that Jesus was and is still at the center of our marriage. We experienced difficult seasons, but because Jesus anchored our lives, we emerged with a stronger marriage with more love and respect for one another. We are 38 years old in our marriage and the best is here and more to come.
I love being married...
I love being my husband’s wife.
Marriage is an amazing ministry.
I love being my husband’s wife.
Marriage is an amazing ministry.
The challenges of learning to work together and resolving problems as a couple in our marriage led us into the marriage ministry. We realized the importance of a solid and healthy marriage foundation. If the marriage is not healthy, then the family is not healthy, and the children are not healthy. I served several years with my husband facilitating the Marriage Enrichment class at the School of Discipleship at our church. I also facilitated a Re-Engage class as well. I also served for several years as a small group facilitator for couples.
Being a Mother...
My identity was wrapped up in my children...MISTAKE
My husband and I raised and discipled three beautiful and unique children. I was a stay-at-home mother, personal chauffer, referee, and life coach. I worked with three different personalities on whatever level they were on. Parenting was my full-time job and ministry. Throughout our children's gradeschool years, we were very active in children’s ministry.
There were many times I felt overwhelmed, stressed, and under qualified. My husband's job required him to travel often and there were times I felt alone as a parent. I felt guilty when I made parenting mistakes. I also dealt with women who could not understand how I could stay at home with my children instead of seeking a career in corporate America. They belittled my decision to be a homemaker. We raised our children to be positive contributors to society, and prepared them to leave the nest. However, I did not prepare myself to become an empty nester. My identity was so wrapped up in my children, that I no longer knew who I was or what I was supposed to do. I experienced so many emotions. The very goal that my husband and I worked toward all those years was finally here. I should have been excited to become an empty nester, but I was anything but that, even though I knew we had set them up for success spiritually, and naturally, I was afraid to let go.
I would no longer be their direct protector or co-pilot in their times of need. The Lord helped me process my emotions and I had to trust that what was instilled in them through the years would begin to manifest in their lives. My three children are now married adults and raising their own children. I am GiGi to eight gorgeous grandbabies and one teen grandchild. I love being a grandparent and my heart is truly full!
To sum it all up...
My story is much bigger than me.
Over the years as I dealt with certain traumas, transitional challenges in various stages of my life, walked through my healing and practiced forgiveness, I realized that my story was not just for me. God was preparing me for something special. I am aware that my story is much bigger than me. My story was meant for others. My story was meant for you! What happened to me as a little girl was traumatic. I am living proof that a person can move forward from their past into their “What’s Next.” To become all that God has created them to be. God used my trauma to create in me a heart and passion to walk alongside women and men, coaching them to discover “What’s Next” in their life.
Your " What Next " is closer than you know!
RENEE DARGANMORRIS
